3/26/2018 0 Comments OverwhelmedSo many things to do and not enough time. I applied to a bunch (4-6 jobs) on Saturday and now they have been reaching out to me. I was honestly surprised that so many of them reached back out to me because I felt I didn’t have enough qualifications…. Now they all want phone calls with me, and I just don’t even know if the jobs I applied to are worth my time because what if I’m not actually interested and waste both of our time (me and the company).
I had a spontaneous phone call between classes today already, and it had a glamorous title of a entrepreneurship- management training program. Her name was Jennifer, and she invited me out in two weeks to Glen Ellyn, Chicago after I told her I’d be gone this upcoming week for Easter at home in Detroit. It’s a startup smaller company but the job she described to me seemed more so of marketing. It sounded interesting and fun nevertheless, I would be willing to try. However, the weekend that Connected Concepts wants me to come out is the same weekend that my mom has been counting down in her calendar to visit Oxford. I have two conflicting high priorities at stake and I feel that either option is a lose- lose with no “wins” involved. This is because I just need to be employed to stop feeling so anxious and relax about life, but I might not like the company or might screw up the interview. If my mom doesn’t get to visit she’ll be bummed she missed it last year and never get another time to visit and hold it over my head for eternity. Otherwise, she’ll come to Oxford and probably just keep reminding me that I have an unknown future since it’s a crucial talking point nowadays. It’s exhausting being a people pleaser. Heck, how am I supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life if the whole time I’m just trying to make sure everyone else is okay. I feel as though my parents always want something from me that I do not give them. I try my best to involve them in my life, and their own way they try to help the best they can. In the end, it backfires and consumes my time that I need to spend elsewhere not lagging too far behind in school because I am always playing catchup. Though, the whole reason I am in school is because of them. It is quite a bizarre thing honestly. I am going home this weekend for easter to “relax” and I already feel overwhelmed with how much I have to do. I was pretty much guilted into it because my grandma is declining very fast and hopefully will at least recognize my face or still know some English. I love her to death but it’s not uplifting for me anymore to see her since she is not person I have known my whole life. On the other hand, the mere thought of losing her is the absolute worse thought to have.
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3/23/2018 0 Comments Last Day of SB 2k18Wow, it is quite a weird thought to have that today during lunch none of my friends wanted to talk about our futures and where we will be. We were all hitting the reset button on the beach this past week trying to avoid reality. I hated it and honestly probably drank a handful too many coronas and popsicle cocktail concoctions.
I hate not being forward- looking or focused on my next step in life. I think about it all the time but it is like a endless black hole in space that goes on for eternity with all the options that I have. Yes, options are good, BUT with too many I feel paralyzed and sometimes just wish someone would tell me what to do or “something” like my hurt pushing me in a direction. Some days my gutt tells me go jump into the labor market and try things out and fail. other days it tells me to go spend more money and pursue a grad degree in international business or disruptive innovation to see if that sparks an opportunity for a job I can know that I have a passion for going into or gets my foot in the door for jobs I currently am unaware of. This option disregards my other plan of waiting to pursue another degree and studying for the gmat this summer to possibly get my mba “down the road” whenever that is. There’s also the option that is the “easy” route which I feel like may be most comfortable but I won’t be facing a fear if I go home and take another job at a company I was already dissatisfied at while saving money living at home surrounded by people who already know me and do not challenge me to grow more. 3/15/2018 0 Comments Links to a WatchWhen will I need the extra links to my watch? I could take some off for right now but where do I store them later on if my wrist gets fat again?
It’s similar with saving a pair of jeans that are a size too tight but having them in my drawer is a good reminder of how I used to be and that I could strive to fit in them again if I tried. However, links on a watch are more permanent of an adjustment and more crucial of a place to store since they are one-of-a-kind to each watch. Metaphorically speaking, I’m at a stage in life where I have a lot of jeans in my drawer from classes I’ve taken that I could potentially use again, but I have forgotten about over time. 3/12/2018 0 Comments Challenge the ProcessLaird Hamilton is the definition of continually challenging the process. I became aware of who he was today during class, and I had never heard of this top notch dare-devil surfer guy before. Man, oh man, is he inspirational. When he was a little boy, he came across his step-dad on the beach of Hawaii. What are the odds? Laird knew what he wanted and pursued it without questioning.
He innovated the sport of surfing to be something completely new by getting pulled up to waves behind a jet ski. Nobody said it was a rule that could not be broken, and even if there was, Laird would not have listened because some rules are worth breaking. He didn't care that this wasn't the traditional way, you get to reach the speed of faster waves and get to become a better surfer in doing so. Others viewed his new method as cheating, but since Laird never entered a surf competition himself, he didn't have to play by other peoples' rules. Ingenious! He also created the Stand-up paddle board (SUP) and a foil board. He never stopped ideating and seemed to never be content with the process that other pursued on the ocean while surfing. There was a movie made about his life last year in 2017 called "Take Every Wave", and now I really want to see it. This guy is so impressive. His wife said that Laird still does have fears even though he comes off as fearless when looking at the face of a mountain of surging water; he just handles his fears differently than the typical person. As Laird Hamilton says, "A little adrenaline every day keeps the boredom away." 3/8/2018 0 Comments Stress RelieverRecently, I have come to the realization that I mostly listen to music when I am stressed. I like to walk and listen to music. That is what I do when I walk to exams. When I am am driving in scary weather. When I am skiing down a steep mountainish hill. It was always just a habit because it made me feel less lonely when I felt lonely. I used to think that when I was stressed I would swim or go running, but that is typically after a long build-up of stress because for the amount I stress I endure daily, my amount of swimming in a pool doesn't begin to compensate.
The consistency of the song continuing allows me to know that life goes on. Once the song ends, life isn’t over just like how problems don’t end your life. When I was scared for my life each day all by self in Amsterdam with a bunch of strangers I made a playlist titled "Happy Vibes" and it starts with a song by Two Door Cinema Club called “this is the life”. Once I started singing that (with my awful voice) I basically talked myself into thinking I was living the life. I obviously am a person that can be easily convinced. Many of the songs on this playlist cause fleeting moments of nostalgia when I listen to these songs with friends over hte years. This gave me sanity to remember they are still there even when I felt deprived of social interactions and the feeling of constant comfort. All these songs on this playlist are horrendously overplayed and I have a new playlist entitled "Happy Hits!" Wow, I am so original. 3/5/2018 0 Comments FormulasI’m a calculative and analytical person. For Pete’s sake, I chose to be a finance major and follow strict formulas on the daily to complete homework for class. If you don’t follow the formula, you don’t get the right answer and you don’t do well. I used to love the aspect of only one right answer because it’s clear and defined. Now, I don’t know. I’ve changed. I don’t know when this transformation took place but it did.
I just learned in my finance class that the CAPM formula, which helps to formulate growth rates has many theories against it that prove it is not a testable theory. What? My mind is blown, like a marshmallow in a microwave. Four years later, and I learn this formula may not even be accurate according to "famous" researchers. However, I am taught and have used it so much because it’s the best formula we’ve got for the unknown growth rate. I mean I have always been skeptical of the formula because the variable of the risk free rate seems fake. Is there really something that is risk free? I find that hard to believe. This realization is literally like telling me green beans are bad for me even though I was raised to eat them irregardless. Long story short, my grandma locked me in the basement once until I ate them because she thought I was spoiled and ungrateful. I love green beans now, so you can't trick me into not eating them now. In conclusion, I do not know if I am passionate about finance. I could be maybe somewhere at some point in time. It's just so practical that I haven't seen the exciting part of it. I know there is one because my dad is a stock broker and he pursues it as his hobby on the weekends outside of dentistry. There has already been so much time and money put into getting this business degree that I might as well dive straight into the deep end and see if I could see myself doing that; if not, I can fail and quit and not live life without knowing. This is too much opportunity cost I have dealt with to not actually pursue a career in finance. 3/5/2018 0 Comments My interviewThe backstory:
-> went up to the Great Lakes Coco-Cola career booth at Spring ICE with no knowledge of the firm -> got offered a 1st round interview -> thought I blew it since it was three times longer than the designated time frame -> got offered a 2nd round interview on-site in Rosemont, IL -> 3 one-on-one interviews with a smaller company lunch in between -> felt over-qualified socially and under- qualified technically for this staff accounting role I felt like the first 2 30-minute interviews flew by, which is a good sign I think. They weren't great, but they also weren't awful. I've never actually had a job interview and thought it went well. Lunch was next and my 2nd interviewer showed me the way to the luncheon. There were two tables. I got pizza and sat next to the girl who I recognized from interviewing me first-round. It was kind of an awkward lunch just because I could tell most of the people at the table had never interacted before... like yes, they have all worked there for a short 6-12 month period, but you still are around these people every day! Some of the people didn't even know where each other commuted from or just basic things that I feel like are a given. The higher up guy (corporate controller), I interviewed with told me something that I luckily wrote down so I wouldn’t forget. The biggest challenge he is facing with the startup company is “trying to fix the plane, while it’s flying”. I could tell he was a personable guy, and that was actually a good conversation because he was so authentic. But possibly too genuine. I might had blowed it with the question he asked me about, "Are you passionate about Microsoft Excel?" I kind of chuckled and said I liked it because I am proficient and feel competent. I couldn't lie to the guy and say that's what wakes me up in the morning, but it's not like I hate it. This opportunity at GLCCD isn't a bad one, and if I didn't actually blow it like I think I did, I will definitely ponder the thought of accepting. I will not know if it is right for me unless I try and possibly fail. If I go home after graduation and sit on the couch and probably pick my nose, I will not discover what I want to do until I fail. This is all hypothetical of course, but if I did get this job, it'd be cool to see if maybe I could help change the company and unblock those gaps of communication throughout the teams. There is a new office opening in April and maybe the environment won't be cubicles and maybe there will be cross-functional team projects where everyone learns from everyone else how to help this company that was started in 2015 can thrive and be less historic with its reporting and more proactive. There's just so many "maybes", but I'd be willing to take the chance. 3/4/2018 0 Comments An insightful plane rideFirst of all this is all happening on a plane. I love planes. There's a little risk in the situation and you automatically have something in common with everyone on the plane. You are all going to the same place and then have to face the ambiguous factors of the new place once landed. I love when I get to physically walk off the plane into the outdoor and see the destination of the trip I have decided to make.
Why can’t I make a hobby that I always find a way to integrate into my life for “fun”. Mid-bite into my biscoff cookie on an American airline flight back to Cincinnati from the Windy city, I had to pause to write it down because I know in life I forget A LOT of stuff. "What if I pursued graduate school but not in business... in photography or writing or something less practical to have a second shot if I ever discover my passion?" The moment after I typed this all out there was a bunch of turbulence... is that a bad sign or WHAT! I braced my orange juice that was getting shaky. I held onto the armrest. I knew I’d be fine but I was mostly worried that fluids would get on my mac. That’s why they made seat belts, so that we could feel safe when passengers are tense. Then the steward guy came by and was collecting trash but I hadn’t drank all of my OJ. I’m a member of the clean plate club, so I don’t like to waste. I started chugging as he approached. I didn’t finish and I got stressed for a moment. I realized he’d be back, so it was stupid to worry. I had another chance to throw it out and put my tray up before landing as I was told to do so. My first time around, putting my suitcase up in the overhead bin, it almost fell because I underestimated the weight of it. Some old guy next to me was frazzled and discomforted by how much I didn’t care about it almost falling. I knew the contents, so wasn’t worried since it was only plush clothes and I had taken out my Mac. On the second time around, I was more cautious and aware and dealt my luggage with care for the old guy’s sanity, even though, I still didn’t care. I’m a people pleaser or at least that’s what my DISC result said. What I’m getting at is outsiders will never know what is inside of my hard-shelled suitcase. Only I do. My mom was under the assumption that I packed a sewing kit for my 23 hour trip to Chicago but I did not. She thought she raised me as a backup plan type of person, but how was I to predict my parka would rip and all the flutter-stuff would explode out of it. Besides looking a little weird in public with a ripped coat, I really don’t care, but she does. Me and my mom get displeasure from different things, and she is very appearance oriented. For instance, she forced me pursue ballet for a decent chunk of my life, but I hated it SO MUCH. I finally faced her after my grandma witnessed how miserable I was and gave me morale support to face her. My mom had no clue because I appeared to like dancing. ugh. This is how I have been raised into tricking myself into "liking" things that I initially do not. This all happened in my head that I almost forgot to eat my 2nd cookie. That never happens. The first cookie is always a surprise to my tastebuds and then they remember how much they like biscoff and the 2nd one is even better! |
AuthorI am a senior business student at Miami University. Here are some of my random thoughts CategoriesArchives
May 2018
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